but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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