went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Girls should come with a carfax report
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
