I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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