is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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