I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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