I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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