I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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