do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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