it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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