She's JV to your varsity
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
