Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
