I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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