so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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