just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
