I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
