I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
