I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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