Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
