and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
