i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
