MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
