i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
