she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
