We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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