ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
