a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
