Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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