Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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