it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
