Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
