I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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