i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
