Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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