i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
two words: eviction party
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
