Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
