Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
and she was petting her beer can
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
