Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
