Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my being single is dangerous.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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