Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
