My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize