he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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