Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
