If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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