I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
