My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
