so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
