The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
