Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
