FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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