awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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