your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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