Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
