now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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