4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
