I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
