I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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