oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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