I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
