I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
