Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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